Dear 2011

Well played....I didnt see it coming that shit pie you've been secretly baking not to mention the crapcakes that came after.  Its been great of course I lie you been nothing but a bastard but at least you've been a consistent bastard and I've been a constant whinny bitch we were well suited spent most of the year lonely and depressed wishing you a bad end and you obliged me by leaving as somberly as you came.

love emotionally bankrupt

P.S I HATE YOU

LOOKING BACK IN ANGER

2011 I was sober when I met you obviously my first big mistake (usually rat arsed drunk) clear headed relationships always end bitterly I'm big girl so I'll put my hands up and admit....its my fault you know usually you tell the other person one of the top 5 relationships of "its not you it's me" bullshit well in my case it is always me...I hate commitment when the fun leaves the party I scurry out the back door temporarily taking up hermit status until they stop calling(people by the way are always slow to realise when they're being fobbed off I can honestly say I've never dumped anyone I just ignore them until they leave me alone....and yes I'm very bad girl and theres a special place in hell reserved just for me....right next to my mother for eternity), ever had the sticky awakward moment when you bump into someone you've been trying to avoid I've always been fortunate to have a phone fetish..buying new phones constantly can dig you out of many holes...killing off fictional relatives is another great one(I spent alot of time at family funerals actually window shopping,perusing libraries relationships have prepared me for a life on the run) it helps if you have a good imagination or an overactive one like mine cultivated over many years of bookworming and couch potatoing infront of my childhood BFF the telly.

We were a little bit rocky there for awhile bickering and whinning, coming to near fatal blows.  The problem you see is that I have been marooned on a mediterranean island for 3 years now free loading at my sisters house paying my room and board by being a live in nanny to my sisters 4 kids...yes 4 2 older and 2 smaller ones (they make comedy sketches about nannies like me the ones that ignore the kids constantly glued to the computer screen juggling multiple online relationships which are even better there is no clingy factor involved with dating online unless the guy turns up but being stuck in the middle of crap island I'm pretty safe..all I need is the chainsmokking and drinking addiction badge and I can be certified for something probably jail) actually I'm not really a nanny that requires more work babysitter would probably what I'm qualified for....babysitting of pets that is...not human babysitting but I haven't killed them yet...not that I'm trying much....I have came close to losing the little ones a few times though but come on who hasn't.

The middle of 2011 was a little sombre money was like a second hand clothes that went to a really fat person tight really tight straining scrimped and saved you don't realise how wastefull you are when you start collecting all loose change tucked away into every nook and cranny and into the washing machine thanks to little hands that like to swipe....kids and budget don't mix well especially when they think that banks give you money unconditionally and by god do you realise how much they eat when your counting pennies.

Towards the end of the year the money tree had wilted the bank of endless cash dried up 2011 eleven you left me bitter and broke the winter was cold wet and dark not even the thought of christmas helped....it just made me all the more depressed my mother came for christmas first day YEAH mothers love to smother following days after that when you leaving again....and then I realised why I didn't miss the last 3 christmas at home don't get me wrong food was amazing mothers always know how to cook a good roast chocolates stuffed till the sicking feeling crept so I stopped for short break....minced pies devoured...good company enjoyed....then the free flowly alcohol came and it all went south.....the usual family issues brewed and boiled to the surface my mother started the stone throwing moving on to blunt instruments...the previous night she invited total strangers as one does drunk on a night out they came in the afternoon and  stayed and some more stayed even when politely told there was no room at the inn that didn't bother them they stayed until boxing day had to be practicaly pushed out the door when it was coming close to 3 o'clock in the afternoon thank you mother....my mother as always was sunshine and forgetfulness of all her drunken sins.

New years eve we waited your promise of a new and bright year soberly I greeted you once again twice in a row not learning from my mistakes.....you came 2012 dark cold and wetter BASTARD....I know one when I see one and you 2012 so far you have been an arse...2011 I sorry please take me back I didn't mean all the things I said.